5 Things You don’t Know About Buying Liquor During Lockdown

  • Appropriate attire is required upon entering a liquor store. No shorts or summer socks may be worn when purchasing liquor, shoes must be of the closed kind and T-shirts must be covered by winter shirts or sweat-tops. Uniform attire among consumers is necessary to maintain the standards of social order required by patrons accessing outlets selling alcohol. Counter-revolutionary clothing will go against the desired spirit the Collective wishes to maintain among people conducting the risk-positive business of buying alcohol.

  • The wearing of masks is compulsory, as per regulations, but it is illegal to visit a bottle-store wearing masks that are gaily coloured or of a humorous nature. Face-coverings portraying vivid patterns, replicas of human skulls or cartoon characters are not permissible. This onslaught of patrons donning colourfully patterned masks could lead to an un-called for celebratory aesthetic, possibly causing outbreaks of joyous festivity which is against the spirit of the lockdown.
  • Liquor purchases have to be diverse, and buying less than three different types of alcohol will not be allowed. A patron, for example, only visiting the liquor outlet to buy red wine will be making an unfair purchase as his or her buying one product will be dis-enfranchise producers of other types of alcohol. This is counter to the equitable access to consumer buying-power and is against the spirit of the Collective’s generous decision to open the access of alcohol.
  • Speaking or communicating via mobile telephone will not be allowed by customers during the process of alcohol sales. Verbal communication has the potential to incite those conducting alcohol-buying, leading to elevated levels of excitement. This has the potential of causing an undesired and illicit emotion of disagreement against the Collective’s lockdown laws and the general efforts of the Collective in creating an equitable society united in the battle against Covid-19. Energetic discourse and vocal interaction is also known to be conducive to the spreading of harmful rumours at the expense of the President, Comrade Cyril Ramaphosa who is trying his best to assist Comrade Nkosazana Dlamini-Zuma in the running of South Africa during this crisis.
  • Transporting liquor after the purchase must be done with an invoice of the procured alcohol on hand, which is to be available to Officers of the Law in the event of an inspection. To assist the Collective in further monitoring liquor sales and the use of these products in society, those in possession of alcohol must be available to answer the following questions when asked to do so by Officers of the Law:
  • What was the purpose of purchasing such alcohol products?
  • Was the buying of wine, spirits of beer necessary, and if so why?
  • Will the liquor be consumed by the individual in question, or is it to be shared?
  • If so, the names and contact details of all those people with whom the alcohol is to be shared must be given to the Officer of the Law.
  • Has the purchaser of said alcohol items any previous history of anti-revolutionary activities after having consumed liquor of any form or in any amount whatsoever?

Please be aware that all answers to these questions will be documented and forwarded to a central base managed by the Collective to ensure order is maintained, as well as monitoring the attitudes and mental conditions of those citizens involved in alcohol imbibing. Note that the situation is fluid, the Collective being in a position to assist the democratic persuasion of contrary measures by disallowing alcohol sales at any stage of its proactive co-operation with the population it was elected by.

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