Pink Liberals Let Black Wines Fall

The University of Cape Town (UCT), one of the foremost educational institutions in Cape Town’s Southern Suburbs, has banned wines from the Swartland region from being served on its campus. According to sources close to the Ikey Vivinum Wine Club, the decision was taken by management after a student organisation claimed the translation of Swartland – “Blackland” – is derogatory and insults the ethos of racial sensitivity of which UCT is so proud.

The move follows recent developments whereby UCT vice-chancellor Max Price removed various works of art from the campus claiming they could be offensive to some sensitive students and liberated academics. Of course, these actions were all ignited last year when Price and co. buckled under liberal pressure and had the university’s status of Cecil John Rhodes taken down after weeks of energetic protests and incoherent historical arguments.

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Brett Dorrington, procurement director of the Ikey Vivinum, says the ban on wines from the Swartland is regrettable.

“As a progressive university, all our activities have to include the most talked-about, current and innovating topics,” says Brett.

“From our point of view, Swartland is where things are at and can’t be ignored. I mean, how are we meant to have access to oxidised wines from ancient vines if we can’t show Swartland? And check out the aesthetically crafted labels of sheep-heads and mermaids. There is just no evidence of the ‘Blackland’ showing a derogatory approach to black people.

“In fact, I was out at Riebeek recently and the blacks there look much happier than they do on UCT campus. No one is throwing kak around, they are working in the vineyards with a smile and treat one with respect when you ask them directions. Even the Zimbabwean immigrants are not getting knifed that much anymore.”

Fellatio Welhunga, chairperson of the Geographical Liberation Society at UCT, says it is the university’s responsibility to eradicate the final remnants of segregation, subjugation and serfdom.

“What land is this ‘black’ land they call the Swartland?” she says.

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“It implies that there is one land for blacks and one land for others which is contrary to the liberation movement’s quest for national homogeneity. Just as the Rhodes statue painfully divided us and just as these demeaning university paintings showing black people with bare skins while whites where tunics and bloomers, so too the word Swartland creates division and pain and suffering.

“It is our responsibility to object to its use on our beloved campus, and I am most heartened by the correct decision to remove these Swartland things on bottles from our university. The other point, of course, is using the identity of our people to sell an imperialist product to the bourgeois capitalist hordes.

“And don’t give me any of that Carling Black Label nonsense – it is not black, but red. The real colour of revolution.”

Lafras Huguenet


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One thought on “Pink Liberals Let Black Wines Fall

  1. Did I see you mention Riebeek? Shame on you. Wasn’t he the guy that started all the shit? Shame on you Lafras. Get back to Vermaaklikheid and repent your sin.

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