Breaking Banting

Being a notoriously slow up-taker of fashion and mode, I only decided to embark on the eating programme known as “Banting” at the end of 2018. This was about six years after Professor Tim Noakes, South African celebrity sports medicine practitioner, runner and enfant terrible of mainstream academia, began advocating the benefits of a diet devoid of carbohydrates.

Well, not so much advocating as hysterically ranting against the eating of any item that might contain a microbe of carbohydrate or – heaven forbid – trace of sugar. Daring to let these pass thou lips would, according to Noakes, increase the chance of obesity, diabetes and a muddled mind – known as “carb fog” – to befall the eater of a crust of bread, a linguine marinara or ice-cream cone.

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A Pal of Muscadel

Unlike the hordes of grumpy halitosis sufferers on the High-Fat-No-Carb diet thumb-sucked by Tim Noakes, I don’t mind much for a bit of sweet. Especially when it comes to matters wine-ish.

Sweet wines are, after-all, closer and more naturally aligned to the grape than those fermented dry. The essence, the life-affirming plushness and the natural sugar-clad cloak of the grape remains untouched in wine’s sweet versions, bringing a sense of tremendous goodwill and satisfaction.

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Joke’s on Noakes and the Chardonnay Diet


It was a good week to be a glutton. A smiling, happy carbohydrate consuming glutton as opposed to the dour folk who so religiously follow the gospel according to Professor Tim Noakes, he of the constipation-induced grin and dial-a-quote sound-bite. The only thing Noakes likes more than a super high protein egg-yolk omelette with extra fatty bacon is feasting on the reams of newsprint that has followed him and his announcing the evils of all things carbohydrate and pleasurable whilst prophesizing the apparent health-giving properties of a diet comprising mostly of fatty, meaty, cheesy and nutty edibles.

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